When they’re not going on heroic quests, battling the ebony warrior or teaming up with the Blades to defeat Alduin, modders have given Skyrim’s Dragonborn a litany of weird and wacky scenarios to get caught up in.
From fighting a horde of Falmer who sound like Gollum to becoming the ruler of Solitude and massacring an entire village using only the power of dabbing, the list is almost endless, even if the ability to order a pizza hasn’t arrived quite yet.
While takeaways may still be exclusive to the menu of its predecessor, Skyrim’s modders aren’t the kind of people to be outdone in the bizarre department, with a couple of new mods offering a psychedelically-styled experience based on everyone’s least favourite NPC.
How much Nazeem is too much Nazeem?
The first of the mods in question is called ‘Cursed Skyrim - Nazeem Replacer (Nazeem's World)’ and is the work of modder SpongebobHentaiSimulator, whose previous work has made the game’s textures as low-res as possible and given it early 2000s phone speaker quality music.
This time they’ve gone a step further, replacing every single NPC in the game with Whiterun’s most beloved (and not at all annoying) resident, via a plugin that takes the phrase ‘it’s Nazeem’s world and we're just living in it’ and makes that your character’s reality.
Speaking of your character, they will also be subject to the transformation, ensuring that you won’t end up feeling out of place in the Nazeemsphere, even if the game’s intro will give you a taste of what it would feel like to land on a planet of Nazeems and be immediately executed.
The mod also affects Skyrim’s animal kingdom, with the likes of dogs and horses also being Nazeem-ified (in slightly less horrifying fashion than you might imagine), though dragons aren’t affected. To no one’s surprise, giving Nazeem the ability to fly and breathe fire causes the game to crash.
If you can’t cope with the idea of your favourite NPCs being overwritten by the Nazeem code or are a true sicko that wants to up the Nazeem ante to unforeseen levels, SpongebobHentaiSimulator also offers an alternative Nazeem-based mod, called ‘Cursed Skyrim - The Nazeem Mod’.
Instead of initiating the world’s first Nazeem cloning programme, this mod simply plasters his face over every single texture in the game, making for an experience that’s just as unforgettable, but doesn’t come with a litany of scientific and ethical quandaries to consider.