"Happy Bidoof Day, everyone!" is a greeting that simply shouldn't exist. Bidoof is absolutely everywhere right now. For whatever reason, this silly little mouse Pokemon has earned its own day in the calendar. And it's not deserved at all.
Besides its goofy buck teeth and a name that's sort of fun to say, Bidoof as a Pokemon serves virtually no real purpose. It's crap. Even a Rick Astley parody can't explain why any of this is happening.
So this Bidoof Day, here's how you can utterly annihilate the Pokemon that took a day a much cooler, cuter Pokemon like Jirachi could have made into a whole week of celebrations.
Pokemon TCG Online
Proving that there's an abundance of Bidoof in the world, the goofy little rat has nine different cards available across the Pokemon TCG. That's nine different booster packs you could have opened to see this clown looking back at you.
So how do we deal with it? With an ancient Pokemon said to have expanded entire continents.
We won't be using Primal Groudon to give this waste of space more land to pilfer, though. That's not happening. Instead, we're using the limitations of the Pokemon Trading Card game to decimate the little idiots.
Primal Groudon EX from the XY-Ancient Origins set is a Fighting-type Pokemon. That already means it deals double damage to the Normal-type Bidoof.
Paired with a move that doubles in damage when a stadium card is active, with Martial Arts Dojo filling that role and Team Groudon in the lead (of course), the card's damage potential jumps another 40 points.
Before we've even slapped any other power boosts on Primal Groudon, its Giga Volcano will incinerate and bury a Bidoof for 480 damage. That's quite a bit higher than its double-digit HP pool. Get lost, rat boy.
In Pokemon GO, Bidoof is rather accepting of a prolonged beatdown. If you see one (or six) of these camping out in the nearby gym, get your army of four-armed Sylvester Stallones out of storage and go tear up their membership contract.
That lads have arrived, and they have a worrying obsession with punching the snot out of things much smaller than themselves.
With the typical Counter/Dynamic Punch moveset, you won't need six Machamp to grind a Bidoof Infestation into a fine paste, but we all know bullies won't do a thing without an audience.
Now that Pokemon Rumble has shut down, there's only really one other way to beat the snot out of a Bidoof on mobile. Welcome back to Pokemon Shuffle!
This 2015 puzzle game ran circles around the "popular" match-3 puzzle games of its time, and it's still going today. Maybe not strong--in fact, it just repeats old content these days--but it's there.
If you're at the 19th zone "Graucus Hall" you can beat up the head of a Bidoof with the many heads of other Pokemon. It's all a bit surreal.
There are far too many variables to work out the absolute best way to cream Bidoof in this game. It's a smorgasbord of rolling heads powered up and paired to deal damage as they're shot at their target.
But thanks to a math maniac on Reddit back in 2017, we do know that in some fantastical situation, a Corsola can deal 7200 damage in a single blow.
Now, that isn't enough to wipe out the dumb animal's hefty 29,400 HP pool (which is the second-highest in the 49-stage set only behind Mega Metagross) but when chained with other accidental combos as Pokemon Shuffle moves usually trigger, there's almost certainly a way to delete Bidoof with a single sliding of a Pokemon's severed head.
You have eight moves to beat up the ugly rat, but who could stand to watch it glare back at them with those massive eyes for that long, really?