We all know that most toppers are pointless. In fact, as you get better and better at the game, you’ll probably reach a point where nobody in your lobby even has a topper, or a flag equipped. It’s understandable, because you know that any distractions from the shape of your car can mess around with how you control the ball, and you need to stay focused to beat the other team.
There’s one big exception to this rule though, and that’s the Little Animal toppers. These things are so damn cute that we’d all be willing to risk it all for them, and while you might have a favourite outside of this little list, we think you can all agree that there’s no denying the appeal of these tiny toppers. But, and this is important, which one is the best one, and why?
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Which Little Animal topper is the best?
Now, we understand that these things are subjective. We know that you’ve probably got your own personal preference here, and that’s okay, but also, we’re going to explain why we’ve listed them in this order, so just keep an open mind. Okay?
6 - Little Bunny
Sorry little bunny, but you’re the least exciting of the toppers here. We get that the bunny is cute, and we’re not doubting that, but we’re just not convinced by it, you know? The way it moves is all twitchy and stuff, but it’s not endearing. It more feels like it’s going to try and bite you, and that’s no fun for anybody.
5 - Little Cow
The cow is not here for your entertainment; it’s here to eat grass from atop your car and live its best life. We can all relate to that feeling of just wanting to eat no matter what is going on around us, and the Little Cow embodies this idea. This little dude lives this life every single day of its life, whether you’re going for incredible aerial shots or turtling, the cow will continue to eat, and we respect that.
4 - Little Sloth
The sloth has a similar vibe to the cow, but it’s just a little derpier about everything, and that makes it better. The Little Sloth hangs onto a branch, keeps its tongue out most of the time, and just looks around slowly with nary a care in the world. We can’t all be like the sloth, but we all kind of want to be like the sloth.
3 - Little Owl
Little Owl here is basically the opposite of the sloth. While the sloth represents the ultimate chill vibes, the owl is twitchy as all hell. It’s constantly looking around, and while we don’t appreciate the attitude the bunny has, we deeply respect the need to constantly look around you as the world crumbles into inevitable entropy and all you can do is look on in horror as everything degrades and becomes fire. Anyway, we all want to be the Little Sloth, but the Little Owl is probably more accurate. Sorry about the existential bit there, but you know, it’s been quite the year.
2 - Little Dog
It’s a dog. Look, we’re not sure what more you want from us here. Short of Psyonix adding in a little cat that sits on top of your car scratching the paint off and knocking glasses off of it, the dog is the cutest one by far. It even does a little head shake every so often, and that will absolutely warm your heart. It’s not first though...
1 - Little Elephant
The Little Elephant is first because its cold, dead eyes stare straight into the abyss, and the thing doesn’t even flinch. We dare you to turn the camera so that this thing is staring directly at you; just do it and try not to be overcome by an eldritch fear of what’s in front of you. Better yet, equip it and then slowly turn it to face the camera every time you win a match. You’ll do better in every game knowing full well that something truly horrific and unknowable is riding your car around. You have to respect and fear the Little Elephant, because if you don’t, it’s going to consume your soul.