Have you ever experienced something so pointless and soulless that it makes you go, "Who is this even for?" That's exactly how I felt after spending some time with GOALS—a football game that, despite being free-to-play, feels like it owes me a refund for the time I wasted trying to find something to like.
There is no shortage of really cool, polished games trying to break out of the conventions set by industry giants like EA Sports or Konami. Rematch by Sloclap (the studio behind Sifu) is a great example of capturing the extremely fun, arcade-like feeling that's missing from AAA sports projects. If you want a more traditional Ultimate Team experience, UFL is doing its own thing: decent licenses, a not-so-predatory model, good visuals, and a free-to-play structure. Even Konami itself is trying out more classic takes on football games that ditch the boring, realism-chasing trend. Have 20 bucks to spare? Hop on eFootball Kick-Off! on the Switch 2.
Then, there's Goals (I'm sorry, I'm not even going to bother with the full caps stylization of the name)—an Unreal Engine 5 game that serves no purpose other than populating the market with shovelware football titles trying to capitalize on the increasing World Cup hype.
I use the term "game" lightly; even describing it as a tech demo would feel like giving it too much credit. As soon as you boot it up, you'll be greeted by a bare-bones selection of modes. There's 1v1 Knockout, which is a time-gated event where you play for rewards; 1v1 Solo tournaments that are—you guessed it—events where you grind for loot (the twist here is that it's stylized as a tournament bracket, and you only get a reward if you win the whole thing); and then there's ranked or quick play.
Single-player? No. You see, Goals is a multiplayer-only experience (according to the game's marketing, it's esports-ready, a clear sign this game's been in development for several years) because it wants you to feel the power creep of facing teams with better players. It practically forces you to spend your money on card packs featuring endless generic players who can basically be described as rejected Fortnite skins. Oh, and KSI.
You can play against bots, but there's absolutely no incentive for doing so. UFL has a fantastic tournament mode against CPUs that nets you some solid rewards at the very least; it's also a game that, you know, features real-life players actually worth grinding for.
Goals promotes itself as a gameplay-first experience. I'm not sure there was much else to advertise, because even in this department, it is mediocre at best. The developers try to emulate fast-paced arcade games to absolutely dreadful results. Controlling players feels unsatisfying, and playing defense is an uphill battle because the movement feels clunky. The general cool factor of trying to dribble past defenders also feels muted because of the god-awful, stiff animations.
There is some stuff to love about the game, even if newcomers will have a hard time finding exactly what it is. I commend the developers for going all-in on a much more technical design. Passing can be tough, since it's entirely manual with little to no assist behaviors; nailing a hard-earned through ball will fill you with satisfaction, as it's extremely tricky to pull off.
I'll also tip my hat to their commitment to keeping Goals filled with unique, fictional players. The idea is that this squad will evolve as you play matches, with players eventually retiring. In practice? It's a neat concept, but the execution is so dull. Why should I care about a squad where half my players look exactly the same? There's no defined visual identity to any of the models. Also, "Toro" is a Spanish name? Really? Creativity is in the mud.
Perhaps the biggest and most creative thing in the entire game is how they solved time-wasting and added injury time. It makes match pacing so much better knowing that additional time won't abruptly end just as you're about to hit a nasty counterattack, or that opponents can't indefinitely hold the ball to run out the clock.
Ultimately, Goals is barely worth the time it takes for you to download it. Sure, it can be an enjoyable experience given how seriously it takes itself in the gameplay department, with the lack of assist tools, but everything around it feels so dull, forgettable, and half-baked that any good intentions the developers poured into it just get lost in the myriad of mediocrity this thing oozes.
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