Valorant is getting into the April Fools spirit with what seems to be some jokey patch notes.
The tactical FPS intends to "release" some bizarre updates alongside the announcement of a Valorant Dating Simulator.
However, it has in fact teased an upcoming map to the game called Foxtrout - a tropical map.
This comes just one day after the 2.06 update.
Here are the patch notes.
Valorant April 1 Patch Notes
Here are the fake patch notes along with dev comments...
- Curve Ball (Q)
- Throw the flash upwards with Mouse3
- Throw the flash upwards with Mouse4
- Throw the flash upwards with Mouse5
- Throw the flash upwards with Mouse6
"I felt that the Phoenix Flash was a bit inferior to the other agents, so I pursued an original use.
- Sky Smoke (E)
- Extend smoke duration: 20 seconds >>> 100 seconds
"The extension of the smoke duration that I went to Brimstone before was well received, so I decided to extend it even more boldly this time."
- Flash Point (Q)
- Charges are now filled with cooldowns
- Reduced number of charges: 3>>>1
- Charge cooldown: 5 seconds
"I felt that the continuous flash of bleach was too high performance, so I gave the enemy player some room to peep during the continuous flash".
- Changed all melee weapons to "toothpicks" to tighten hitboxes
- Add real-time ray tracing reflection effects to split sewer puddle
- Reset rank
- All players will be in the same rank to relieve stress
- Abolished matchmaking based on skill level
- Removed "Prime Vandal"
- It's too strong, so I decided it wasn't suitable for a highly competitive game.
- Indefinite and free (0VP) "Matte Black" Weapon Skin Set
Quality of Life
Revised minimum specs
- OS: Windows ME
- CPU: Intel Pentium III
- GPU: 3dfx Voodoo 2 or Nvidia Riva TNT
- RAM: 64 MB (PC-100)
- Internet: 28k modem (56k recommended)
- To better support low bandwidth min spec players, we will mail players 10,586 floppy disks for the initial game install (shipping not included)
- We want as many players to enjoy the premier VALORANT experience as possible. With that in mind, we’ve worked hard to make the game run on our new min spec. Due to extensive optimizations, you can expect 1–5 FPS on this spec!
- Riot Vanguard will now automatically capture your thoughts for pre-thought cheat detection
- Moving accuracy updated to match ideal VALORANT gameplay, and weapons are now 100% accurate all the time
- Movement speed increased by 250%
- Minimap removed to prevent ghosting on streams
- Server FPS has been capped at 15 to save on server costs
- Client FPS has been capped at 15 to match server FPS
- Removed all settings
- Crosshair customization has been removed and replaced with crosshair randomization
- You cannot opt-out of crosshair randomization, and this new and improved setting will set random values for each of the old crosshair settings every 10 seconds
- In order to improve fairness, 10% of all headshots are dropped and no damage will be dealt
- Normalized ping for all players in-game
- Ping will be added to all players to match the player with the highest ping
- To combat Input/Networking latency, all gunfire will be predicted by the server, rather than requiring players to press any buttons
- The accuracy of your shots will be determined by your Rank
- Tactical VO will now loudly report on every person, place, or object visible to the player
- Additionally, Tactical VO will now also call out positions of objects and people in your home
The weapons updates team doesn’t know this, but we’re going to go into the code and remove Operators and Marshals from the game.
- Despite what you read above, we are revamping the ping system.
- All existing options will be replaced with “Going P.”
- Bow and arrow users from that other game have been preemptively banned.
- Spamming “I need healing” in chat will not be tolerated, so we’re trying to prevent them from happening early on.
- As you wait for your queue, we will play “Sandstorm” to pump you up.
- Fixed bug that made some abilities cause damage
- Fixed a bug that was allowing players to climb out of their current rank